Falling behind...someone?

[nickolaus ian andrews]

still I hear you say you want to end your life,

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( EVEN IF I SAY IT'LL BE ALRIGHT )
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His heart was racing, it had a mind of it;s own today. All he wanted to do was rest, to calm down, but his heart just kept beating, beating at the thought's of worry he had. The worry that wouldn't leave him. He closed his eyes letting a small sigh of surrender. His hand running over his now bald head, that used to carry long shiny locks of black hair. It hurt, It hurt everytyhing. It didn;t help that he felt drained. He wasn't the same Ian he was a few months ago. He was different, broken. Hurt, and weak. He hated it, he hated himself for letting this happen. When everything was just getting better. then THIS happened, and everything was ruined. Danni had been getting better, or well..he hoped he was, but now..now he was worried. If he died? He knew what Danni would do, how the boy would crack. those thoughts hurtt him so much. He had to survive this, he hd to..or..or he would have failed. He'd leave everyone behind..leave Alli heartbroken and lost. He wasn't sure what she had decided with the baby, but now...he wouldnt be there! Or..so he assumed, he didn't know if he would survive, even after all this chemo therapy. His eyes wondered out the car window as it moved. He was returning to the school for a little bit, before going back for treatments. He wasn't able to drive himself. He didn't trust it. His mind wondered too much. He had left Danni at the school, worried that he would forget about passing.

"All I have is you...it is all I am breathing for, all I need is you." He whispered His hand clutching his guitar case, he wouldn't leave it no matter what, even if it was hard to play at times. He closed his eyes, a single tear falling down his cheak. He was the broken Ian, and who knew if he could be broken. It was like shattered glass, the large outcome of being cut and hurt when trying to pick the pieces up and put them back together. Part of him wanted to push everyone away, let them live wiothout worry, and not have to deal with the heart break of losing him. though, he knew better, he knew that he needed his friends. He needed his fiance, his sister..everyone was important to him now. He needed to remember that. He fiddled with the ring on his finger..the memory of his proposal...the singing danni to sleep. He smiled to himself, though it was weak. His eyes watered, more tears threatening to fall, but he wouldn't let them. It was a good memory, it diodn;t nbeed to be spoiled by thoughts of what if. He felt the car come to a halt and looked up at the familiar entrance of Hawthorne. Before he needed gaurds, now though..he was far to weak to fight.

He stepped out into the slightly chilled air. a single shiver, it was much more cold without those locks of hair covering his head. they had offered him a wig, but he had pushed it away. What was the point? He didn;t need to pretend he had hair or anything, he knew what he had. Lukemia. He got his bag out, not caring to pack much, only a bag and his guitar. the car drove off and Ian stood there by his lonesome, looking at the old letters saying Hawthorne, those taunting letters. but he would have his family. He would have his friends, and they were just behind those stone walls. He stood there though, not caring to move. He didn;t feel the need to. and the air was crisp..the sky was clear, and the sun shinned. It was a beautiful moment. Why waste it by going behind those walls?

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maybe we'll turn it around cause,

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( ITS NOT TO LATE )[/center]

words: jhskjh
outfit: Skinnies T-shirt and sweat-shirt..I'm lazy today
tags: Alliya? Danni? Someone?
notes: sorry for spelling errors..spell check no work and I was sleepy.
music: never too late by three days grace
credit: to the one and only gabby c:

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