A L O N E -- open

[topher]

. AND WE CAN BE ALONE

WE CAN MAKE A MESS LIKE NO ONE KNOWS
AND RISK IT ON OUR OWN .

Lunchtime for Topher usually consisted of him sitting alone in the picnic area with a tray filled with food and eating alone. Even when it rained Topher sat under a little awning that kept the rain away, but he was still outside. He liked it outside, being indoors Topher felt kind of trapped. At least when he was in large rooms he was okay but he didn’t like being in small spaces inside, it reminded him too much of… well that time. Eating lunch alone for most people was lonely and they generally wanted to go sit somewhere else and actually make friends. Topher on the other hand didn’t feel lonely or sad or anything of the sort, he was used to being alone. Plus there was also the fact that he really didn’t understand people so he found it easier to be alone most of the time.

Sure his head doctor wanted him to be around people. How would he learn if he was constantly alone? Honestly in his time at the academy he was basically alone the entire time. When he was at home the social interactions he had were with his brothers who were constantly patient and helpful. Hell a few months before Topher’s parents shipped him away his brothers had compiled a set of notecards for him for each emotion they could think of. Each card had an illustration and a description. Topher didn’t understand the more complex ones, but he could grasp the simple ones like happy and sad and angry.

It wasn’t like Topher didn’t know he was lacking in emotional range and perception, he knew damn well. After seven years of being trained to not feel and do as he was told it was kind of hard to reprogram him after only two years of being free. Those seven years were also the reason he was a sophomore at the age of seventeen, actually he wasn’t sure if he was even really supposed to be a sophomore. He couldn’t read well, he could do basic math, but he was in pre-algebra, and his writing skills were pretty basic. He had a special teacher that went to his house to help him after the first year and he made some progress. Really it just seemed like Topher was behind in just about everything… okay except for physical development somebody stunted in that department obviously wouldn’t be six feet five inches tall.

Today was a day like any other. It was sunny out, good thing because sometimes when Topher tried to sit under that awning his legs would teeter on the edge between dry and wet and his foot or pants leg would get soaked. He sat at a picnic table by himself eating a tray full of food. Now when I say a tray full of food I mean a tray full of food. The boy could eat. Seriously he probably was the sole reason the cafeteria didn’t have as many left overs from say the people with eating disorders or the people on medications that made them not hungry.

Sometimes during lunches he would sit and just watch the people with his usual blank face. It was interesting to say the least. There would be large loud groups yelling which to Topher usually meant angry, but then they would laugh which meant happy. There were people sitting alone glaring, people not eating at all, and people that would just suddenly burst into tears. It was so odd and Topher just didn’t get it, so he sat there with his mound of food and just ate and watched.

-- WORDS 604
-- TAGGED open
-- WEARING clickerr
-- NOTABLE feel free to join!

[annabelle cassie bianchi]

she never skipped class in her life,

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( OH ANNIE'S ANOREXIC)
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credit to d d d darcy of caution 2.0[/color]
[/center]

annabelle cassie bianchi had an interesting lunchtime schedule, or interesting isn't the right word. she usually sat outside, to avoid people watching her eat, and made sure to never sit alone. it was easier to hide the fact that she wasn't eating if she was talking none stop and moving her food around. she usually took food off the other peoples plate and picked at it until the person forgot what she was doing. even the staff would get so caught up in how fast she was going, the usually never realized she ate and she'd hurry up and toss it before they could notice, then sauntered back to what she was doing. but today was different, her stomach was aching really bad and she knew that she wasn't going to be able to handle this anymore.

auso today, instead of grabbing everything she could to hide the fact that she wasn't eating, and never grabbing healthy, but today she needed to find something that was not fattening and wouldn't cause her to eat a whole bunch. cse usually when she couldn't keep herself from eating, well she ate as much as a horse but she didn't want that right now. not with all these people watching her, and she had to sit alone., so no one could see her. she grabbed all the normal stuff before grabbing a salad, no dressing. and headed out to the picnic tables, instead of sitting wrapped in a bunch of people like usual, she tried to find an empty table. but an empty table seemed to be out of the question.

so she found the closest thing to it, and sat down across from a boy she didn't recognize. she hadn't been here since march, and usually didn't get out much. she liked to keep to herself, stay in her room and play her trains. she met nice people on chat when she bothered to turn on her lap top and talk to them. like zac, she met zac before he graduated and he was nice. though he seemed to like doing things that miss cassie here had dubbed for losers. which would be drink, sex and anything else. but she liked him, he was nice and he didn't seem to take her crazy happiness the wrong way. then there was emerson, he was nice and he liked trains too. she couldn't tell if she liked him more than a friend, because every time she tried to figure it out, she felt like she was turning into her mother. that she couldn't handle,, it was why she never had a boyfriend. she didn't want to constantly have boyfriends and never have a stable relationship like her mother.

she looked at all the food on the boy's plate and her usually happy smile turned into a frown. she couldn't think about eating all that, or the salad on her plate. but if she didn't, she'd hurt and she hated her stomach hurting. so she picked up her fork and looked at the table, not wanting to watch the food enter her mouth, or the boy in front of her, so she shoveled the salad into her mouth and when she was done she sighed. "hi i'm annabelle cassie bianchi. but my friends call me cassie," she finally said forcing a smile on to her face and began her usual process of mixing the food on her plate. she put some food on the fork and moved it to her mouth then stopped. "it's nice to meet you. what's your name?" she put her fork back down and started stirring all the food around, wondering if he's noticed and hoping he didn't.

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but she skipped dinner every time,

[/size]
( OH ANNIE'S ANOREXIC)[/center]

words: six hundred and forty one
outfit: here
tags: biscuit with topher
notes: hi<3
music: annie's anorexic by the huntingtons
credit: gabs of a different color; @ caution 2.0 don't steal or she'll hurt you c:

[/font][/left]

[topher]

. AND WE CAN BE ALONE

WE CAN MAKE A MESS LIKE NO ONE KNOWS
AND RISK IT ON OUR OWN .

Sitting alone was always the best way to go for Topher. Sure his counselors wanted him to sit with people so he could learn about socializing and behavior first hand, but the one time he did he ended up making someone sad because they started crying just because he pointed out that they had scars on their wrists. It’s not like Topher was judging, but he was told that in order to start a conversation you had to point something out or bring up something that you had in common or wanted to know about. It had worked before at home, but apparently the girl got sad when he brought them up which he didn’t understand because when people brought up his scars he didn’t get sad. If Topher got sad because of his scars he’d be crying a lot because he sure did have a lot of them…

When the girl sat down across from him Topher looked up from his food and stared at her. People never sat down with him. Not just here at the Academy but also back at home too. When he was in normal high school people were scared of him, at least that’s what Lex told him. Sometimes his older brother would sit with him at lunch but usually he was in the library or sitting with his friends. Maybe there was nowhere else to sit, he thought looking around at the tables, which had people sitting in them, but there were still available seats.

Since she didn’t say anything after she sat down and just started eating Topher assumed it was okay for him to just ignore her and eat his food too. He had just finished his third slice of pizza and was about to eat some French fries when the girl spoke up. Oh no he thought. No wait hold on, she was just introducing herself so maybe it was just small talk. Lex taught Topher about small talk, it was actually on one of the notecards he made for him, but it was one of the ones that he had long since remembered. First the person introduced themself, then they asked your name, then you ask how they are doing or make some comment about the weather. Topher was good at the intial part but what came after was a bit harder. What was he supposed to do when they asked him questions? He was always bad at questions…

I’m Topher he said simply in a rather blank and emotionless tone. There he answered the question and gave his name now it was time to ask her how she was doing or say what a nice day it was or that it was nice to meet her too. He could have pointed out how fast she ate her salad but he didn’t want to make her sad like the last time when he pointed something obvious out that he thought was a rather harmless subject to discuss. However she wasn’t eating what was on the plate just pushing it around, that was weird… Are you going to eat that? he asked pointing at her plate.

Shit.

He hadn’t meant to ask the question it kind of just slipped out. He was going to ask how she was doing… What was he supposed to do now? What if she started crying? He didn’t want to make people sad, it just seemed to happen a lot and he didn’t understand why. His mother cried a lot around him and his dad was mad or something. Quickly he pulled out the stack of beat up notecards that he kept in his pocket and began shuffling them around. Lex and Jude never made him notecards for when he messed up… so now all he could do is sit and wait and hope he didn’t do anything wrong.

-- WORDS 644
-- TAGGED open
-- WEARING clickerr
-- NOTABLE feel free to join!

[annabelle cassie bianchi]

she never skipped class in her life,

[/size]
( OH ANNIE'S ANOREXIC)
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credit to d d d darcy of caution 2.0[/color]
[/center]

cassie was about to smile even brighter and ask how long he's been here, cause she was curious. she liked meeting people, and he was a person and they were meeting. so she was happy, "well topher it is nice to meet you." then her smile faltered before going back to the same smile,"oh yeah. i'm working on it." she looked down, no one had caught her before, probably because they were usually wrapped up in conversation and this boy was silent. so she decided to get him to talk. "soo topher how long have you been here? do you like trains? i love trains. and how about the school. do you like it? i like it. the people here can be so nice," she said super fast. [color=A0CF5E"also what's your favorite color? mine's a tie between red and orange. i love both."

as she did this she moved the food around some more, before picking off of his plate, "i hope you don't mind. i'm just soo hungry." she moved it to her mouth before moving it back down to her plate. "but do you play any sports? i cheer and i dance. i love both. it's soo fun. do you dance? or color? cause i love to color and i could teach you to dance. do you play any instruements? i try to play piano but i fail at it." she shrugged like it wasn't important, "but i still do it anyway. it's fun and i like clouds. do you like clouds? how about snow? does it snow where you are from? where are you from?" she smiled brightly, moving her food around and tilting her head, "i'm from alaska. it's freezing there. but i love it. the cold and snow. i can build snowman and make snow angles. how about you? what do you do for fun? we should go do something after lunch. it'll be so fun do do something after lunch."

she finally stopped talking to breath and let him talk, and hopefully that none stop babble distracted him from the fact that she wasn't actually eating anything. she noticed the staff stopped paying any attention to her and she sighed. "this food is sooo good," she said with a bright smile and pulling her feet up under her. "the food here is the best. it's why i love this school," she began, doing the same thing over and over again with her fork. periodically taking something from his plate. then she put up a finger, "hold that thought." while the staff wasn't looking, she hurried and dumped her tray full of food and sat back down. then someone saw her, they walked over, "ms. bianchi did you eat." she nodded, "yeah it was delicious. i'm so glad you asked. you should tell the cooks they do a magnificent job." she waved and turned back to topher, "so you were saying?"

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but she skipped dinner every time,

[/size]
( OH ANNIE'S ANOREXIC)[/center]

words: five hundred and six
outfit: here
tags: biscuit with topher
notes: she is so cute d:
music: annie's anorexic by the huntingtons
credit: gabs of a different color; @ caution 2.0 don't steal or she'll hurt you c:

[/font][/left]

[topher]

. AND WE CAN BE ALONE

WE CAN MAKE A MESS LIKE NO ONE KNOWS
AND RISK IT ON OUR OWN .

Never in his entire life has Topher met anybody that could talk about so much in so little time. Nobody in his family ever talked that fast, Vick and Edna didn’t talk that fast, and nobody before the abduction ever talked that fast. It was so odd and he was having a hard time keeping up. He already struggled with conversations to begin with, but this fast pace and slew of questions was starting to make Topher’s head spin. How on earth could he possibly keep up with what all she was saying and much less make sense of it. See usually people could tell the tone of the conversation just by hearing the person speak, but Topher couldn’t tell what on earth was going through this girl’s head all he knew was that her voice was relatively normal so she couldn’t be angry… maybe she was just really happy?

Then there was the fact that she kept talking and talking but she didn’t eat a single bit of food. She was pushing things around and moving her fork to her mouth but never once did a single morsel of food touch her lips. That was weird. He never met someone that acted like Cassie did and it was really confusing Topher. Then she grabbed food off his tray, he was about to protest because he liked his food, but she just kept talking. Topher could never have imagined meeting someone like Cassie, this couldn’t be normal behavior… right? Or could this be normal? Oh Topher was confused.

To top it off she grabbed her full tray of food then dumped it! Mind you some of Topher’s food was on that tray so he was a little confused about the sinking feeling in his stomach… he was probably just still hungry. Someone came over and talked to her asking if she ate anything. She said that she did eat but Topher could have sworn he only saw her eat that measly salad… so she did eat and she wasn’t lying. Then she turned back to him and asked him what he was saying. He wasn’t saying anything though… maybe she meant he was supposed to answer all of her questions so thinking back Topher tried to remember everything she asked him.

I’ve been here for a few months. I don’t like trains. I don’t like school. I don’t have a favorite color. I don’t play sports. I don’t dance. I can color. I don’t play an instrument. I like clouds. I’ve never been in the snow. I’m from Texas. I don’t have fun… The entire time he spoke to her his voice was a monotone droll. He was pretty sure that he answered all the questions right and he hoped that she wouldn’t go crying. His mom asked him questions sometimes and she would run off crying when he answered. One time she asked him if he was sad when his great uncle died about a year and a few months after he came back and Topher answered with a simple No and she ran off crying. Lex explained that he was supposed to be sad when people died, but Topher didn’t know the man and he didn’t know how to feel sad.

She said that the food was good though and Topher didn’t understand how she could say that when she didn’t eat anything. He was especially confused how she could lie to the person that it was delicious when she had only eaten that salad that just couldn’t have been delicious. You said you were going to eat… you didn’t eat anything Topher said point blank before finishing off his fries and starting to eat a ham sandwich.

-- WORDS 620
-- TAGGED cassie
-- WEARING clickerr
-- NOTABLE feel free to join!

[annabelle cassie bianchi]

she never skipped class in her life,

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credit to d d d darcy of caution 2.0[/color]
[/center]

cassie looked at the boy and when he said he didn't like trains, she was fine with that. but when he said he never seen the snow cause he was from texas, her mouth dropped. she had never been anywhere without snow, coming from alaska to here, well snow was a common thing. it was what kept cassie sane the first couple weeks before she started to get out and meet people. "you've never seen snow? well if you are here during the winter time. i'm going to have to show you the snow. we will have soooo much fun." then he said he didn't have fun and she got confused, "you don't have fun?" she wasn't going to babble as fast, since well she wasn't eating, so she frowned at him. she usually only asked questions when she needed it, cause she hated being asked questions, cause she didn't like talking about herself. she frowned at topher and sat up straight when he asked about her not eating.

now cassie was born to a mother who never had a stable boyfriend, so cass never really learned how to keep a relationship with someone going. upon that and never having any real friends, she'd been a lonely little girl. she never tried to get any boyfriends, afraid that she'd turn into her mother. but she liked being liked, she hated when people were mean or tried to push her away. she didn't like hateful people either, so she always tried her best to remain happy and keep trying to make friends. she was going to do that with topher, even if he noticed that she didn't eat anything. "i ate," she said, not saying anymore on the subject, but staring down at his plate of food.

she wondered how someone could eat all that and not have the urge to puke it all up in the toilet. she hated food, it was the one thing she could control about herself. not eating. she felt like she had no control over her feelings or relationships, even if she just wanted some control. like she couldn't help liking emerson, even if she wished she didn't have a small crush on him. he was sweet and he didn't push her to answer any questions, and she liked that. she hated questions. but she couldn't control that, she had no control over what people did. so she controlled herself, by not eating. and when she couldn't control that any longer, she took back control by puking it up. "so what else do you want to talk about?"

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but she skipped dinner every time,

[/size]
( OH ANNIE'S ANOREXIC)[/center]

words: four hundred and fifty
outfit: here
tags: biscuit with topher
notes: she is so cute d:
music: annie's anorexic by the huntingtons
credit: gabs of a different color; @ caution 2.0 don't steal or she'll hurt you c:

[/font][/left]

[topher]

. AND WE CAN BE ALONE

WE CAN MAKE A MESS LIKE NO ONE KNOWS
AND RISK IT ON OUR OWN .

Needless to say Topher felt a lot more comfortable when she started to talk at a normal speed. It confused him when people acted oddly, well odder than what he thought was normal. There was one emotion that Topher had down pact and that was confusion. He could understand why his head felt like it had to go a mile a minute or why nothing made sense, he was confused and that was the first feeling he really understood. Now he was pretty sure he could see happiness, anger, and sadness in another person but he wasn’t too sure how to feel it in himself. Hell at least he was making progress right?

I have never seen snow… Topher said wondering if this Cassie girl was hard of hearing. He had said he had never seen snow. Maybe it snowed in Texas once or twice in his lifetime but if it had he wasn’t there to see it. But she said she would show him snow. Well there couldn’t be anything wrong with snow? That was nice of her to say that, but Topher wondered if it would actually happen. During his first year his mom told him they would go to all these places but they never did. Lex told Topher that it was because she was probably afraid of losing him again, but Topher was pretty sure Vick and Edna were locked up so why would that happen?

I don’t know how Topher said bluntly. If there was one thing you had to appreciate about Topher was that he said what he thought and was almost always honest. Topher was being quite truthful when he said he didn’t know how to have fun. Usually he just passed his time sitting around not particularly doing anything. At home his little brother Jude’s idea of fun was running around outside or playing with toys. Topher found no enjoyment in those things and his older brother Lex was more of the type to sit around and play video games and Topher was actually pretty good at them believe it or not. He could always beat his brother’s at games for some reason…

You ate the salad, but you said you were going to eat the rest. You didn’t. and this was the downside of Topher saying what he thought. He didn’t realize when he was supposed to drop something and when he should push it own. Obviously this was when he should have dropped it, but he just didn’t understand why she wouldn’t eat. She said she was going to eat, but she didn’t. Why say you are going to do something and not do it?

We weren’t talking about anything else… Topher said. Before all the topics they just covered they hadn’t been talking at all. Topher was eating and she came over and sat down. Topher was about two thirds of the way done with his food and was currently inhaling a bag of pretzels. Oh you just had to feel bad for whoever was talking with Topher, he really did lack proper conversational skills.

-- WORDS 516
-- TAGGED open
-- WEARING clickerr
-- NOTABLE feel free to join!

[annabelle cassie bianchi]

she never skipped class in her life,

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( OH ANNIE'S ANOREXIC)
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credit to d d d darcy of caution 2.0[/color]
[/center]

annabelle cassie bianchi lived for things like fun and the snow, and this boy had no clue what either of those things were. that surprised her and confused her. she didn't know people couldn't have fun, how do you not have fun? fun is..well fun? she didn't know how to explain fun, or snow. but she was going to show him snow, cause that was easy. now she had to figure out how to show him fun, and she'd figure it out. cause that was how she was. she had to show him it, cause to live without fun, that didn't seem like good life. "well you'll see snow when winter comes. it always snows and i'll even teach you how to have fun. it's easy."

she didn't know if it was going to be easy to teach someone how to have fun, but for her fun came easily. so it would be the same way for topher. right? she so hoped it would be, she didn't want the boy to live without fun, cause she couldn't think of life without it. and so she was going to make it her mission to show him all the things she enjoyed and try to get him to have fun. not for selfish reasons but because life was better for having fun, and well if topher didn't have fun. his life couldn't have been very good.

but then his next words made her freeze in her thoughts, and made new one's race through her brain. maybe people noticed more often then not. and she didn't like that. she stared at the table, she didn't want people to know about her not eating, she didn't like it. she felt gross when she ate and even worse when people thought about how gross she was for not eating. and she frowned, which was strange for cassie who always seemed to have a smile on her face. "well...i wasn't hungry." which was a lie, she had been starving but she couldn't eat. she just wouldn't eat.

then when he kept stating the obvious, she tried to smile some more but it faltered and she frowned. it was hard to smile, but she wasn't going to cry. she didn't cry, not in front of people. she waited to cry until she was in her room and alone. crying around people, well she didn't like doing that. cause they asked questions and she didn't like giving answers but she would. she didn't like lying and the only time she did was when it came to eating and she felt horrible for doing it sometimes. but she had to. she couldn't eat, it was gross and she didn't like it. then quickly trying to change the subject she looked around her, "lets talk about..about clouds."

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but she skipped dinner every time,

[/size]
( OH ANNIE'S ANOREXIC)[/center]

words: four hundred and ninety six
outfit: here
tags: biscuit with topher
notes: she is so cute d:
music: annie's anorexic by the huntingtons
credit: gabs of a different color; @ caution 2.0 don't steal or she'll hurt you c:

[/font][/left]

[topher]

. AND WE CAN BE ALONE

WE CAN MAKE A MESS LIKE NO ONE KNOWS
AND RISK IT ON OUR OWN .

The concept of snow wasn’t hard for Topher to grasp, it was just really cold rain right? Plus he had seen it when his family sat down around Christmas and watched movies together, there was always white stuff falling from the sky. When Topher asked what it was his little brother Jude exclaimed that it was snow and how it snowed one time when Topher wasn’t there and he built a snowman that melted the next day. Then his mom told him that when he was one year old it snowed and she brought him outside and he had lots of fun. Being one year old wasn’t something Topher remembered, but he did remember he had fun but he couldn’t remember how to anymore.

Will I be here in the winter? Topher asked, maybe Cassie knew. Nobody told Topher how long he would be at the academy. Whenever he asked they would either say that they didn’t know or however long it took or it was up to him. All Topher wanted was for someone to give him an exact date and when nobody gave him an answer he got that sinking feeling and his breathing got real shallow like. He didn’t want to be stuck in this place forever, he thought he was going to be stuck with Vick and Edna forever, that was a horrible thought.

My little brother said having fun is laughing and smiling Topher said robotically recalling what Jude had told him when Topher asked what fun was when the subject was brought up. The problem was Topher couldn’t remember the last time he smiled or the last time he laughed. One time he did try and smile and his younger brother shook his head quickly and said he was doing it wrong, that he had to mean it. Couldn’t someone just tell him how to have fun? Showing him wasn’t as easy as it sounded, he could see what people were doing but sometimes why they were doing what they were doing confused him or he didn’t know how to do it himself.

Oh okay, you should have just said that Topher said. Well if she wasn’t hungry why didn’t she just say so? She didn’t have to lie. If she wasn’t’ hungry then she wasn’t hungry, its not like somebody would force-feed her food… right? To him not getting food was a punishment if it was forced upon a person, but not eating or being forced food didn’t seem like much of a punishment at all. Well Topher’s outlook was a bit off seeing as he went seven years without ever being more than a toe away from being starving.

Now she wanted to talk about clouds. Lex told Topher that clouds were just rain waiting to fall. He was also told that Lex and Topher used to look at clouds and pick out shapes when they were kids. See that was also a problem, Topher didn’t seem to remember much before he was kidnapped. He remembered bits but he was really young and spent almost half of his life being locked in a small room where horrible, horrible things happened. Suddenly Topher wasn’t hungry either, so he quickly pushed away his tray causing a few things to fall over in the process. Clouds, she wanted to talk about clouds… think about clouds. L-lex said that clouds are rain waiting to fall Topher stammered at first, but quickly regained his calm and emotionless tone as he stated the only thing that could come to mind when he thought of clouds.

-- WORDS 597
-- TAGGED open
-- WEARING clickerr
-- NOTABLE tadaaahhh

[annabelle cassie bianchi]

she never skipped class in her life,

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( OH ANNIE'S ANOREXIC)
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credit to d d d darcy of caution 2.0[/color]
[/center]

cassie didn't just think snow was wet rain, to her it was much much more. snow was happy angel tears that freeze cause it's cold out. to her snow was the happiness that she never felt but could embrace for just a few moments until she has to go inside. back away from the happiness and to her room with her toys. she wasn't forced into that room but she liked to avoid her mother's boyfriends. some weren't nice but others were nice. like mark he was nice. or so cassie thought so cause he was nice to her. unlike her mom's other boyfriends he had tried to bond with cass and well they did. she kind of started to see him as a father figure, a real one. not like the other boyfriend and husbands or her father she never met. but someone she could talk to when she was ready. because he didn't make fun of her, not like everyone else. and that to cassie was all it took.

then the boy had asked about being here during the winter, she honestly had no clue. "i guess it depeneds on if you get better," she said smiling at him. "if you aren't here then i'll go to texas and take you back here for one day. cause you have to see snow." she didn't like hearing someone say they had never seen snow. it was what cassie lived for, to go out and play in it to just sit there in the snow and watch it fall all around her. she liked those feelings and she wanted everyone to have that small happiness that snow always brought her.

cassie tilted her head and took that in. yeah you could laugh and smile why you had fun, but she laughed and smiled all the time. it didn't mean she was actually having fun. no she was just acting like she was having fun, because that came easy to her. pretending to be happy. she did it every day cause it kept people from asking questions or wondering what was wrong with her. so she was unrealistically happy. all the time. "yeah but you have to want to laugh and smile. it can't be forced. cause that doesn't mean you are having fun."

this small skinny dirty blonde loved to befriend people which was what she had been hoping here. cause even if this boy noticed she hadn't ate anything and even if he had never seen snow or knew what fun was. well she liked him, cause he was nice. then again cassie thought everyone was nice. she had been through so much with mean people, yet she didn't think they were all mean. not they were all nice. how could they be nice? there were mean people but she didn't see it. she never did. but i guess it's why the small girl had been through so much hell and so much pain.

cassie just shrugged, she didn't just say that cause she had to tell people she ate. if she didn't then the people, they won't let her leave or others would ask questions. like why do you starve yourself? or why doo you do this? she didn't like those questions, cause she didn't know. it was just a good way to cause pain to herself without harming herself. even if not eating meant harming herself, she didn't care. she was just a sad girl under her too happy smile. she didn't like questions so she acted happy. she also had some issues with romantic relationships. she wanted them, but she was scared. so instead she pretended she didn't like boys, it was easier that way and she'd never turn into her mother. though sometime recently she vaguely let herself believe she could like someone...she just didn't know how to handle it.

she frowned slightly, this boy was kind of different, not that different was bad. but yeah clouds were rain waiting to fall..but..but it could be something else? she didn't know how to take this in but she nodded, "yeah they are..but they are also pretty and they make shapes." shapes..clouds she had so much fun determining the shapes of the clouds. she always found interesting things and it was nice to lay somewhere with no sound, just staring up and listening to the sounds you usually wouldn't here. like the movement of water and the sound of the wind against the trees. "they are.." she couldn't describe clouds, it was hard. "peace and love mixed into fluffy substance up above," she finally said after few minutes of processing it so she wouldn't sound like an idiot.

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but she skipped dinner every time,

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( OH ANNIE'S ANOREXIC)[/center]

words: eight hundred and seventeen
outfit: here
tags: biscuit with topher
notes: she is so cute d:
music: annie's anorexic by the huntingtons
credit: gabs of a different color; @ caution 2.0 don't steal or she'll hurt you c:

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[topher]

. AND WE CAN BE ALONE

WE CAN MAKE A MESS LIKE NO ONE KNOWS
AND RISK IT ON OUR OWN .

It didn’t sit right with Topher that he didn’t know how long he’d be at Hawthorne. He wanted to know how long he’d be there because it would just be comforting. What if he didn’t get better before he got too old to be there? Would they send him away? Would he have to go somewhere new again? It was hard enough the first few months being at Hawthorne, he was starting to develop a routine at Hawthorne, which was comforting to him. Back at home it took him forever to adjust to living there, but he had and when he was sent to Hawthorne it was a bit unnerving. When he was at home he thought he could be there forever, but it didn’t work that way apparently because now he was back at a place where he wouldn’t know how long he was going to be there. It reminded him too much of those seven years and that’s what didn’t sit right with Topher.

Okay was all he said when she said that it was up to him for how long he’d be there and if he wasn’t there in the winter she would go down to Texas personally and show him snow. Was snow really that big of a deal that she thought it was important enough to go down to Texas and bring him back to show him? Maybe she just really liked snow and thought that he should see it too, that made sense.

What she said next confused him. Why would someone laugh and smile forcibly? Was there a person out there that liked to force people to laugh and smile? It didn’t make sense to Topher because to him a person didn’t do anything without meaning it, he didn’t understand the complex levels of how people think so he didn’t understand that people forced themselves to be happy and laugh not that someone else was forcing them to. Why would you force laughing and smiling? he asked her. Maybe if Topher wasn’t so simple minded he would have forced himself to laugh and smile, but obviously he doesn’t.

The outdoors have always been something that Topher has liked, even before his abduction. However once he was freed from the grubby little room he couldn’t get enough of it. Still to this day Topher sits outside and likes to just look around at things, like the grass or the trees. He actually has looked at the clouds, but he didn’t think much of them, he didn’t analyze them or look for things in them. When she said that they were pretty and made shapes he looked up at the sky but there wasn’t a single cloud in sight.

Peace and love in the sky? Topher asked, the confusion almost noticeably in his robotic tones. How could peace and love be mixed into a fluffy substance in the sky? It didn’t make sense. Of course she wasn’t being literal, but Topher didn’t realize that, he took everything literally. But… how?

-- WORDS 505
-- TAGGED open
-- WEARING clickerr
-- NOTABLE sorry its short!

[annabelle cassie bianchi]

she never skipped class in her life,

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credit to d d d darcy of caution 2.0[/color]
[/center]

to cassie snow was a big enough deal to want to show topher it. yeah it was strange that she hardly knew him but was willing to go get him and bring him here just so he could see the snow. it was like love and peace and stuff. yeah it was a strange way to put something so simple like frozen rain, but what can anyone really say? the girl was strange and she put everything in strange ways. she just couldn't help it, she was very strange and well she thought it was true. when she thought of snow, love and peace and happiness were the thoughts that raced in the girl's little head.

this small girl was the queen of forced smiles, it was just how she was. it was easy to smile and laugh instead of cry in front of people. the latter was so much harder and she sure wasn't going to do that. nope, instead she laughed and smiled. that was an easy thing to her, laughing and smiing. usually she meant it, but still there were times when her stomach was killing her, or something else was bothering her and she wanted to cry. if she was alone she was fine with crying, she just didn't want others to see that. yeah sometimes when she was faking it, well it could be way over the top and bordering on annoying. hell half the time she was annoying. just she didn't care, it was just who she was and she was fine being annoying. she wasn't planning on changing her ways anytime soon. "cause sometimes when you are really sad, well you don't want people to see," she said with her usually bright smile.

a lot of things for cassie were full of peace and love and happy thoughts. that included the fluffy clouds in the skye. she really never told anyone that before, and well it seemed topher wanted an explanation and she wasn't so sure on how she would give him that. then it came to her, "oh well topher. its cause when you look at the clouds it's like you can't help but be happy and calm and full of peace. you would never think about hurting someone when you are staring at a cloud. they are too fluffy and full of happy thoughts." she smiled at him and shrugged, he probably thought she was a weirdo or a freak now. everyone did at some point, she never really kept a friendship for long. cause who wanted to hang out with the overly happy girl? many people actually but still she always expected one day for them to tell her she's just too much and walk away.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
but she skipped dinner every time,

[/size]
( OH ANNIE'S ANOREXIC)[/center]

words: four hundred and sixty seven
outfit: here
tags: biscuit with topher
notes: sorry it's sucky:(
music: annie's anorexic by the huntingtons
credit: gabs of a different color; @ caution 2.0 don't steal or she'll hurt you c:

[/font][/left]

[topher]

. AND WE CAN BE ALONE

WE CAN MAKE A MESS LIKE NO ONE KNOWS
AND RISK IT ON OUR OWN .

Everything would be so much easier if Topher could just force a smile, but they took that away from him too. If Topher could just smile and act like he understood what was going on around him and inside of him then he probably wouldn’t even be at Hawthorne… okay actually he might since the only reason they sent him here was because his parents caught him cutting. Really what was bad about cutting? He was used to being cut, cutting meant pain and wasn’t he supposed to feel something? They told him he was supposed to be feeling something and even if he was feeling something he couldn’t begin to understand the years of bottled up feelings brewing inside of him. So maybe it was best he couldn’t fake a smile because that would mean he’d comprehend why to, which would really just break the boy completely.

When she said people do it so people didn’t know they were sad, well that just sent Topher’s mind on overdrive. That didn’t make sense… What…? If people did that then how would he know if somebody was happy really? People smiled when they were happy, they laughed when things were funny, but why would people do that if they didn’t mean it? Sarcasm and falseness weren’t things that Topher could even hope to grasp yet, he was happy enough he understood confusion, which was probably very evident in his eyes, but not on his face because his face seemed to be frozen in an emotionless mask. I… but… why? Topher managed to say, confusion actually evident in his voice.

After she told him about clouds he became very silent. He was trying to think of when he sat outside and sometimes looked at the clouds. When he looked at the clouds he would usually just stare at them and try to memorize every aspect as if he would never see them again. Cassie was saying though that clouds made you feel happy and calm and full of peace… but Topher didn’t know if he felt that way. Could he have felt happy and calm and at peace? She also said you’d never think of hurting someone, but Topher never wanted to hurt people anyway because he knew what it was like to get hurt himself. Full of happy thoughts? Topher asked after a long pause of processing. Are they really? he asked looking back up at the sky with his navy eyes, but not seeing a cloud.

Could things really be filled with happy thoughts? That would be so nice because if Topher could find things like that maybe he could get happy thoughts and then know what happiness was. Maybe if he could catch a cloud he could figure out about all the happy thoughts and how to get some of his own. Are other things made out of happy thoughts? Topher asked, the foolish notion he had about finding happy thoughts seemed like such a good idea right now.

-- WORDS 500
-- TAGGED cassie
-- WEARING clickerr
-- NOTABLE tadaaaahhh

[annabelle cassie bianchi]

she never skipped class in her life,

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credit to d d d darcy of caution 2.0[/color]
[/center]

cassie wasn't very good at explaining things a lot and well she didn't know she wanted to explain this. it was kind of way too close to home and well her reasons for faking smile could be different then other people's reasons. but this boy seemed like he just wanted to know and not be confused anymore. she was a nice girl and well she didn't want to upset or confuse someone, she didn't like doing that. she bit down on her lip before starting to twirl her hair, "well..cause when people know you are sad they get sad or ask questions. and not everyone wants other's sad or want to answer questions," she said kind of wishing now that her plate of food was in front of her now instead of in the trash can.

now cassie ate when she was really nervous or scared or sad. that wasn't very often, okay she was sad a lot but she wasn't sad enough to eat usually. she kind of just nibbled on her lip as he began to ask about the clouds and the happy thoughts. now this was something the poor girl could talk about. "well i think they are. cause when i look at them all i can think is happy thoughts. no sad thoughts ever cross my mind," she said looking up at the sky again, wanting happy thoughts to flood her mind and wash away any of the nerves she was feeling from her previous statement.

the poor girl didn't know how bad she was confusing topher, she didn't understand her reason's for being here and if she did well she'd of told him sorry and tell him it was okay to be confused. she just didn't know, she wasnt' good at picking up those things on other people. so she didn't realize that he didn't understand half the things she talked about because he just didn't know about feelings. so when he asked about what else held happy thoughts she smiled, "i think snow, train and rain hold happy thoughts." she couldn't help but giggle, "train and rain rhyme," she said almost like a little kid would if they said the same thing. she was easily entertained and the fact that she rhymed was very much amusing. "i'm a poet and i didn't know it," she said before laughing again. "whatever makes you happy is full of happy thoughts."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
but she skipped dinner every time,

[/size]
( OH ANNIE'S ANOREXIC)[/center]

words: four hundred and twenty four
outfit: here
tags: biscuit with topher
notes: sorry it's sucky:(
music: annie's anorexic by the huntingtons
credit: gabs of a different color; @ caution 2.0 don't steal or she'll hurt you c:

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