PATTERSON, kailen grania

[rosemarie]

let's meet the puppet bby...

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``KAILEN GRANIA PATTERSON !


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SING A SONG THE OLD MAN HATES
then you'll feel alive

»BIRTH NAME• kailen grania patterson
»NAME• kaylie, kay, nia, nee
»AGE• fourteen
»PLAYBY• deborah ann woll
»GRADE• freshman
»BORN ON• october the fifth
»MEMBERGROUP•
major disorder: paraphilia -- sexual masochism
minor: substance use -- slight addiction to methamphetamine
self harm -- she cuts herself; level three

COVER UP WITH MAKEUP
in the mirror

»RACE• irish (but she was born here for her parents moved here before they had her)
»HEIGHT• 5'7"
»SCALE• 135 lbs.
»EYES• Her eyes are a round shape, not too big but not small either, the color of them is a baby blue with a hint of gray.
»HAIR• Like her sister, she has a head of vivid red hair that usually falls in a straight manner down to the bottom of her shoulder blades, but sometimes (depending on how she slept) it can be a bit wavy.
»DISTINGUISHING FEATURES• Her sparkling white teeth
»TATTOO'S• She has a small rose on her left hip, right where it could easily be hidden by underwear. But it isn't ink, it's a cut she gave herself after her incident with Timothy.
»CLOTHES• She has an eclectic taste of fashion. One day she will wear a button down, simple, plaid shirt with jeans and the next she will dawn a vintage dress. It’s very unique but that’s just Kailen for you.

I WAKE UP EVERY MORNING
a big smile on my face

»STRENGTHS• Keeping herself from falling completely apart, school, standing up for what she believes in
»WEAKNESSES• Her twin who she makes sure she takes care of, fantasies of being hurt, people she loves
»LOVES• Rain, A Rocket to the Moon, painful sex, popcorn, analyzing poetry, horses, kids, animals, chocolate, art, meth, the emotional pain going away
»HATES• Herself, people who hurt others, carrots, liars, electronic music, cheaters, pretenders, her father
»SECRET(S)• She enjoys being hurt or taken advantage of when it comes to sex, which is why she hates herself. Because of this she attempts to push the emotional ache, hatred, and guilt away with meth and cutting.
»QUIRKS/HABITS• Whenever she is nervous she bites her lip, and whenever she gets angry with herself she digs her fingernails into her palms. Also, she can’t stand the sight of a crooked picture. She’s not really OCD, just crooked pictures bother the crap out of her.
»PERSONALITY•
Kailen is one of those girls that everyone can’t help but love. She is stubborn, intelligent, outgoing, a social butterfly, sarcastic, and she isn’t afraid to speak up about her beliefs. If she doesn’t like someone she will tell it to their face, in fact, not only will she tell someone why she doesn’t like them but she will list the reasons behind her displeasure towards them. At school she was one of those girls that, wasn’t really popular, but was friends with everyone (excluding the people she disliked). She is very loyal and would do anything for those that she loves. Although she is quite book smart she can be pretty naieve. Like most kids her age she likes to pull pranks and stirring up some trouble, but almost always it’s innocent enough. She never does anything that could hurt others. The redhead is very headstrong and doesn’t believe that anyone could break her.

At age thirteen she began to discover something, something that was different about her. It all pieced together one night at a party, and since then Kailen hasn’t been quite the same. She is still the same girl: kind-hearted, not afraid to tell it like she sees it, friendly but a piece of her broke off and floated into the distance. And Kailen filled that void with meth and cutting herself but no matter how much she inhaled, no matter how much she hurt herself that space remained (and still remains) empty. The feeling of emptiness and the guilt she constantly carries around with her because of her issues with sexual masochism is enough to run a fourteen year old girl into the ground. But Kailen, a fighter, is still alive and breathing. Hiding things being another one of her talents, prevented and still prevents people from seeing what is wrong with her. She tries to push the daydreams about pain, the slight addiction to meth and cutting, into the back of her mind although it always manages to bubble forth again. For the most part she pretends as if there isn’t anything different about her than the next girl, she pretends so for her family and friends, as well as herself, but sometimes the emotional pain shows. As stated before she is a strong girl so her disorders don’t haunt her as much as it haunts others, but it still chips away at her soul.

I TOOK THE CHEMICALS
we used to make our chemistry

»MOTHER• hailey leigh patterson
»FATHER• caleb benen anthony patterson
»SIBLINGS• ashlin miranda Patterson, fourteen
»BITTERSWEET HISTORY•
Kailen was born the eldest by mere minutes to her twin Ashlin. Kailen was always the more talkative out of the two and usually ended up talking for her twin, but Kailen couldn’t care less for she loved babbling to others. As a child she would talk anyone’s ear off, at family Christmas parties she would go find a random aunt or second cousin or anyone else who would listen and would just start rambling to them about the most random things. Never afraid was she to go befriend a complete stranger. As she grew older her need to constantly talk died down a bit but she still had no problem with making friends with someone she had never met before, as long as they didn’t seem sketchy to her and she knew how to protect herself if they ended up being a complete whack-o. Did I mention that at age eight she got Hailey, her mother, to enroll her in karate classes?

Anyway, her friendliness stayed intact as she grew up which means she had a lot of friends growing up. Of course none of them were as close to her as she was with Ashlin. As she grew up she was always closer to her sister than any other one of her family members though her mom came in as a close second. Needless to say Kailen was a mother’s girl and sided with her more than her dad. She didn’t have anything against him at the time she just wasn’t that close with him, he always seemed to favor Ashlin more. Although they were as close as any two people could be to each other they were more different than peanut butter and jelly. Kailen was outgoing and basically knew all the students in school where Ashlin was more the shy type. Resulting from her social butterfly characteristic and the fact that she was friends with the majority of her peers, Kailen was invited to a couple high school parties even though she was merely in junior high. Well, whatever parities there were thrown by the small amount of teens that resided in the small town she lived in. Kailen enjoyed the aspect of an opportunity to talk to so many people when it came to parties but she didn’t so much like the part where the boys and girls danced incredibly close…or in other words, grinded. Usually she wouldn’t set foot into the mess of people, all dancing and grinding with each other, everyone so close it was hard to squeeze your weight between any of them but when Timothy Bradburn, a sophomore boy she had been crushing on for a year requested a dance she agreed.

In most cases, clever ol’ Kailen would never approve of such things but she was younger and liked the boy with such a passion she even believed that he loved her. He tugged her into the crowd of swaying, sweating, swearing bodies and began to dance. At first it was innocent enough, seeing who could do the best robot, who could do the weirdest looking dance move but than before she even knew what was going on they were rubbing private parts. She was dazed by all the people rubbing against her, of Timothy’s deep brown eyes boring into her’s, so when Timothy began pulling her upstairs she was only half aware of what was going on. Than he was on top of her, ripping her clothes off and so…on. Once he tore off her favorite sweater she was brought back to reality, she began to struggle, but then she realizes something…that she liked it. That she enjoyed his rough hands squeezing her, hurting her. And she couldn’t make herself make him stop.

After they had done the deed Kailen recognized what she had just done. She had given herself, as well as her virginity, to a ruthless monster who had left bruises and scratches upon her delicate body. Sure she was incredibly headstrong, but that didn’t mean she was immune to such coarse treatment. Timothy, after they had intercourse, pulled on his clothes and just…left, without one word. Kailen had limped home that night, in her torn outfit, her eyes pouring tears like a waterfall. That when she came to the conclusion that what was wrong with her was that she enjoyed pain in sex, being taken advantage of. And since then she has hated herself. She copes though, usually she pushes her thoughts of self hatred, masochism, meth, and cutting (meth and cutting being coping methods for her issues with sexual masochism) to the back of her mind and goes through with life but sometimes the inner pain rises forth and kills her a little bit inside.

When her sister told Kailen of her own issues Kailen immediately wanted her to get helped, she didn’t want her sister to go through any bad feelings like she did. But Kailen thought and still thinks she deserves the bad feelings, whereas her innocent twin didn’t. Once her sister had told her she had confided in her mom, telling her that the family would need to help her cope with this. But then her sister told her about her constant nightmares and Kailen immediately persuaded her parents to get her help. Once she left their dad started to get slightly temperamental, and…creepy. One day her mom left to run some errands leaving her and Caleb home alone. At the time, they were both in front of the TV, on separate sides of the couch, watching some documentary on the history channel. Caleb had inched his way over to her until he was almost in her lap, he rubbed his hand up and down her thigh and whispered, “You are one pretty girl, Kailen. Not as pretty as your sister, Ashlin. But pretty.” Then his hand neared much to close to the middle of her legs for her liking. Her response? She jumped up abruptly and threw a punch across her father’s face. Not knowing what else to do she ran upstairs, taking two steps at a time, packed two suitcases and once her mom got home she declared she had a sexual disorder and problems with drugs and needed to be sent where Ashlin was. And she was with Ashlin in a span of two days. She didn’t lie to her mom about her sexual disorder and problems with drugs, but that wasn’t the reason she enrolled herself here.

She came for two reasons: 1) to get away from the horrid creep she gets to call her dad and 2) she wanted to bet there to support Ashlin through this all. Her dad’s inappropriate behavior was just what pushed her over the edge, for she had been thinking for days about whether or not she should tell her mom about her problems in order to be with her twin. So, basically, she didn’t come here for her issues for she feels that they aren’t that big of a deal. I can deal with them. She always thinks to herself but while she is here she might realize these problems are a lot more major than she realizes. For they are swallowing up her life and she doesn’t know how to push them out of it.

A LITTLE LESS SIXTEEN CANDLES
a little more touch me

»CELLPHONE• Samsung Evergreen
»LAPTOP• a mac
»CAR• none
»iPOD• the original
»LOVER• none
»EX• she once did it with Timothy Bradburn, who she truthfully thought she was in love with at the time, but that’s it
»SEXUALITY• heterosexual
»CRUSH• none
»FLIRT• none
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[sincerely yours staff]