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Post by miranda on Dec 18, 2011 10:47:46 GMT -5
ashlin miranda patterson was a really scared girl and she didn't know what else to do. she didn't like being touched by anyone, not like he touched her. caleb touched her like that and he scared her the most. she thought when her mom decided to send her here, that she'd be okay. that everything would be okay. but it wasn't. nothing was okay. caleb visited her and he hurt her. oh she was so scared every time he called her, expecting him to tell her that he was coming for a visit. there were three of those visits since she got here in august. one in october, one in november and one recently.
the more recent one was even worse because she went and she wanted to talk to someone she considered her friend. she thought he was nice, he helped her last time. he let her cry and he took her back to her room because she was lost. lost in the woods because caleb left her there. this time, she found her way back and went to jared in tears but what happened would only escalate the poor girls problems and not help a thing. he raped her. he did the one thing she didn't want to her. she didn't want it, she never wanted it. not even when she was dating elana and she did that for months.
the red headed southern irish girl didn't like her disorder because she was scared of it. so scared of being unique, every time she thought about the disorder, her heart sped up and she got so scared because who would like her? who would want to date someone that they may never have sex with? who would marry someone they would never have sex with? it pained the beautiful girl to know she'll never get any of these things and she was so scared that if people found out, the wouldn't even be her friend or try to date her. she like dates, and she wished she could be normal and give people what they wanted but she couldn't and it was all caleb's fault. she hated him.
the girl had a lot of disorders, her hypoactive sexual desire disorder as well as her nightterrors and even her fear of being unique and her fear of change. all this played in the reason she stayed to herself, even though she loved meeting new people and doing things for them. she just never got the chance to really meet new people. only hope, she was nice and she made her smile. then there was jared and he scared her now. she didn't like this, not being without people. she wanted kailen, and her mom. she wanted to be home but that place was scary too. she had no where to escape the people that hurt her, or her nightmares. every time the girl closed her eyes and drifted to sleep, one came to her. there was caleb, and jared and kailen and hope. they were scary dreams and she didn't like it any and she wanted to run away. but running away wouldn't help, so she stayed up. at least she managed for four days but she started to get sick and she passed out in class. that was a whole day ago.
she woke up and blinked confused, there was no nightterror so she didn't know what was going on. there wasn't even a normal dream. she had just been having a normal sleep and she liked the feeling when she woke up that she actually smiled a bit. then she heard noise and tensed. "ha..hello?"
[/b][/color][/color][/blockquote][/blockquote]  ` tagged;; aspyn denise nattes` notes;; here you go love<3` words;; six hundred and twenty five` listening to;; tv` lyrics used;; use somebody - kings of leon` graphics by;; lillianporter of caution2.0` credit to;; rora @ hos[/font][/size][/left][/center] |
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Post by aspyn denise nattes on Dec 18, 2011 13:33:55 GMT -5
 Aspyn had left her room that morning with her disorders getting the best of her. What was the most annoying was that she was aware of it. She had woken up that morning, and took three steps back on her road to recovery. She looked in the mirror. Perhaps she was feeling that she had overcome more than she truly had. When she looked in the mirror, though, she saw everything she was afraid of. She stood in front of the full length glass for at least twenty minutes, picking at her face, arms, and hips, disgusted at herself as she left little pink lines from her nails on her skin. Then she noticed a very large problem. One she had to resolve before she could even leave the room. Her eyes. Aspyn had grabbed the large quantity of make-up from under her bed, then proceeded to cover her eyes in liner, hoping that perhaps she could make them look decent enough to get through the day without wanting to tear them out of her skull. Alas, everything ended in failure. After she would mess up, she would scrub at them, making them red and irritated. Eventually she gave up and wrapped a bandana around her small hideous brown eyes. If no one could see them, then no one could judge her. Yes, now she was ready to finish getting dressed.
It was a handful, to say the least. Getting dressed without being able to see slowed her down greatly, but Aspyn managed to pull on a dress, sneaking a peak at which one so she could pick a pair of shoes to match. The dress was a light blue, little lace linings and ruffles in the skirt. It lacked sleeves and was confusing to her when one of the small spaghetti straps kept falling down her arm. She couldn't possibly imagine how her cloths must have gotten bigger, because in Aspyn's mind she was at least three times bigger than she was in reality. The teenage girl searched on the ground for the pair of shoes she had in mind, a pair of brown heels that had a peek toe. She found them in the back of her closet, then pulled them onto her feet, having to use the wall to help stand herself up. Heels were her favorite, but she couldn't walk in them very well, which was another thing of which made her imperfect.
Aspyn made her way to her door, shaking and almost twisting her ankle with each step. Yes, she was ready. She pulled the bandana back over her eyes, twisted the door knob, and slowly stepped out of her room. She felt for the wall next to her, then proceeded to very slowly walk through the hallway. This wasn't her first try at walking blindly through Hawthorne, none of her previous attempts ended well for her as she would fall or bump into something or someone. Slowly but surely, Aspyn inched her way into what she remembered to be the commons. She could hear people talking, which wasn't usual considering many of the students enjoyed mingling with one another. However, Aspyn couldn't really judge where any of the seats were, as people sometimes moved them to accommodate their own situations. But she couldn't mingle while holding onto the wall, that was just silly. She had to act natural. Step by cautious step, the short girl left the safety of her wall and walked into the unknown sea of people. Her legs shook as they tried to balance and keep her lifted and before long, Aspyn was worn out and her fear started to take over her. She began to panic, only making the situation worse. Then, she fell.
Hitting the ground was never the worse part, it was her ankles. They would scream with pain and whenever she tried to stand again they wouldn't allow it, and she would find herself on the floor again. She heard a few people silence, and she assumed they were staring at her, ridiculing her and her inability to be perfect and graceful, like other girls. Her heart sped up, her face flushed. All she could do was sit. Soon Aspyn felt a hand on her shoulder, then someone asked if she was alright. She only shook her head, tears stinging her eyes from embarrassment and pain. Someone had made an attempt to uncover her eyes, which only made her scream and use her hands to hold it down. She knew she was making a fool of herself, but she couldn't help it. Knowing people were staring was bad enough, she didn't want them seeing how ugly she was, too.
She felt herself being lifted up, carried like a small and helpless damsel in distress. Aspyn knew of two places where she could be taken. The isolation room to receive counseling or the infirmary. The trip was long and silent, no more talking, no more screaming. Eventually a door was pushed open and the smell of clean medical space engulfed her. The infirmary. Better than counseling because the questions they asked here were only about the psychical problems. She felt herself being sat on a bed, her lefts just barely missing the ground unless she pointed them, which hurt. She sat there for a while, swinging her legs back and forth, hitting the bottom of the bed on occasion making her cringe. Then the voice came.
“"ha..hello?"
Aspyn turned around blindly, attempting to find the direction from where the noise came from. It wasn't a nurse, the female didn't sound nearly old enough. “Hello? Whose there?” she asked, puzzled. She had never actually seen anyone else in the infirmary, only nurses.
 -numberofwords-nine hundred fifty-five
-tagged-ashlin miranda patterson
-ooc-thanks deary :) [/size][/blockquote][/justify] |
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Post by miranda on Dec 21, 2011 10:27:04 GMT -5
the beautiful red head had always loved meeting new people, now she wasn't so sure. though one thing is for certain, the little southern bell wasn't rude and if she didn't like the person or not, she wouldn't say no and she wouldn't tell them to go away. even if her heart was pounding, and her palms were sweaty. she clutched at the bed sheet because she didn't know who the girl next to her was. but ginger beauty wouldn't try her hardest to be nice and not scream for help. not unless the girl did something to hurt her and she hoped with all her might, that the girl was nice and not mean. not like jared.
she met very few people, and some were nice here. like hope. but jared, he was so nice but then so mean. now? now she was so scared to even be on chat with him but she couldn't log off. not when he said don't go. yes miranda was her own person, but that didn't mean anything. jared could hurt her again and make her go through that. make her go through the thing she never wanted to do. she didn't want sex, why didn't people realize it? why couldn't they just leave her alone and stop trying to take it from her. she wanted her mommy but getting her mommy met she had to deal with caleb and he wasn't nice. he was like jared and he scared her even more. she wanted to tell her mommy about caleb but she knew that she wouldn't believe her. think she was delusional. she just couldn't make her mommy hate her because she knew it would happen. caleb said it would happen. that her mommy wouldn't ever listen to her. it made the poor girl so sad inside. that and hte fact that she may never find love because who would want to love someone they couldn't even have sex with? who didn't want that. never wanted that. she wished there was a magical cure to make her like it. to make what happened with caleb and jared go away. to make caleb and jared go away.
she had been staring at the bed, trying to get the words right inside her head because she always had issues. when she was extrememly nervous or scared, it was hard to translate the words to english before she spoke them. then people looked at her funny because they didn't understand her and that just made her even more nervous and even more scared. she didn't like it, she just wanted to be home and be normal. was that really too much to ask?
finally the right words found their way into her head, maybe five minutes after aspyn spoke. "i..i'm miranda. i..i who are you." staring at the girl, she kind of scooted her way to the furthest corner of the bed and bit her lip, and hugged her pillow close to her, closing her eyes. when she replayed the words in her head about a million times, and figured out that might have been rude. she didn't want to be rude. "i..i'm sorry..i..i didn't mean it like..i didn't." her words failed her and she could feel the tears form in her eyes. what if this girl wasn't nice? what if she didn't like rude people? what if she hurt her. what if she didn't like her and hurt her. she didn't want to get hurt. "please..please..don't..don't hurt me..i'm..i'm sorry," she said again. finally burying her head into her pillow and letting the tears fall. she was prepared for the pain that she knew would follow. it always did when you disrespected someone. caleb would hurt her sometimes if she said no, it was why she stopped saying no. jared hurt her too because she tried saying no. "dia do thoil. le do thoil shábháil dom," she said, sending a small prayer to god and bit at her lip. she wanted god to save her and that was what she asked of him. "save me please," she whispered into her pillow.
` tagged;; aspyn denise nattes` notes;; <.< this kind of sucks and sorry it took so long<3` words;; seven hundred and thirty three` listening to;; the radio` lyrics used;; use somebody - kings of leon` graphics by;; lillianporter of caution2.0` credit to;; rora @ hos[/font][/size][/left][/center] |
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