i tried and i tried /* -amanda

[victoria hope jean]

she looked at the clock that was over the blackboard, before letting out a sigh and running her hand through her hair. when was this class going to end? she just wanted to go to her room and lay down. she didn't even want to deal with homework, she just wanted to be lazy and do nothing for a little while. like what her brother did everyday! but she knew she didn't need to.. she really needed to catch up on her school work, she was failing miserably from missing so much school when she was in her depressed state. she rested her chin in her hand and looked up at the teacher, acting as if she was interested whatever the hell they were talking about, but she checked out right when she sat down in this class, so she had no idea what she was supposed to be doing, or what the teacher was trying to teach her. finally, the bell rang. it was music to her ears. she jumped up from her seat and grabbed her things, saying, "oh, thank the lord!" making the teacher give her a dirty look, but she honestly just didn't care at the moment.

hope threw her books into her bag and walked out the door, heading straight for her dorm. she wondered if izzy and amanda were there.. or hell, even her brother. but he'd been sent back to his room now that amanda was back. not that she minded, but she kind of liked having her brother there with her. she felt better when he was there, even if he was a lazy bum most of the time. she knew he would do anything for her, now that they made up. of course, since he brought up all the things he did when they were looking for izzy, she's been straying away from her brother. he hurt her feelings when he said those things he did. of course, when he overdosed, she went and saw him, but that was it. she didn't know what to say or do with him right now, because that hurt... man, hope sure did fight with a lot of people. she didn't like it, but she couldn't really help it anymore. but she was going to try.. she was going to get back to the sweet girl when she first came here.. just a happier version of that girl.

unlocking her dorm, she walked back inside and closed the door, making sure to lock it back, before throwing her bag down and literally jumping in her bed. she let out a content sigh and pulled her pillow up to her, closing her eyes. this is what she wanted: that relaxed feeling. she pulled her comforter over her whole body, even over her face, like it would keep people from seeing her, but it wasn't hard to see a lump in the bed.

word count: four hundred and eighty eight
outfit: click!
tag: gabby with amanda
notes: haha, it took me forever to figure out how to start this thread.

[amanda katrina tumlin]

amanda usually hated going to class to begin with, because she had already been through all of this. but it probably would have been a good idea, and keep her mind off of the thoughts that raced her mind all day. the thoughts of adrian kissing other girls, loving other girls all because she told him to go ahead and do it. her heart broke every time she saw adrian with someone else in her head. she hated crying so much but she just couldn't stop, her heart hurt too much.

her phone was in her hand because she was contemplating calling him..apologizing. but what did she have to apologize for? yes she hurt him over and over...but she already apologized for that. she constantly beat herself up for that. for hurting the two people she loved and cared for so much. she could deal with alex or nico or anyone else calling her a stupid slut or a whore, because she didn't care what they thought about her. they were absolutely nothing to her. but hearing the words from adrian. the moment she processed what he said to her, it was like all her air was ripped from her chest. it was like nothing she ever felt before. it hurt...it hurt so much. she had to end it...she didn't want to but she couldn't feel like that anymore. she didn't need someone else to remind her the things she constantly reminded herself about.

she needed someone to hold her and tell her she needed to stop beating herself up. to tell her everything would be okay. he did that, when izzy ran away. he told her it would be okay and they joked about her drunken issues. but now...it was like a whole nother adrian and it hurt so much. he wasn't the boy she fell in love with. the fun crazy boy. he turned into an asshole and she didn't like it at all, and she couldn't handle it. so she clutched her phone, her necklace had been ripped off and threw against the door way earlier. she hated this..she wanted it back, to push the button and hope he came running. cause then it'd prove he cared...that he didn't really hate her guts. but she couldn't handle him seeing her like this..to see how much pain he caused.

when the door open, she wondered if it was hope or izzy. she wanted hope. even though she used to tell herself she'd never get close to people, she did so anyway. victoria hope jean was her best friend and she would tell her anything. she probably knew her better than she knew herself and right now that was what she needed. someone with a clear head who could tell her what to do or just hug her and let her cry. the thing she wished she had in adrian but she didn't anymore and she had to get over it, but it was just so hard. she turned her head to see hope she tried to smile but it didn't work. it just fell straight of her face and she just sobbed once again. she couldn't talk, she didn't know what to say, she just wanted her best friend.

tagged: krista with hope
word count: five hundred and forty-nine
outfit: here
notes: i crrieddd D:

[victoria hope jean]

she always thought of her best friend, amanda katrina tumlin, as a strong girl. she had gone through so many things and yet, she handled it all well. well.. until she called her 'just like alex' and the next thing she knew she was looking down at her friend in a hospital bed for attempting suicide. she felt so bad after that and she tried hard to hold her tongue when it came to speaking her mind to people, but it was so hard! she couldn't help but find herself saying things she shouldn't say. she just hoped amanda didn't get back to that point.. to where she thought she had to end her life to get rid all the problems in her life. hope was glad to say that she was slowly getting away from that point in her life, even though it did sometimes suck her back in when she was alone and just thinking to herself. she tried not to get to that point, though.

hope had always been the girl to stay close to her friends, when she didn't say stupid things, or do stupid things, to piss them off. she always tried to be there for them, even if she had something going on for her. the only time she couldn't really be there for her friends was when she was in a bad place in her life, or when she was in a hospital bed. even when she was in the hospital, she tried to be there for her friends by phone and checking in on them. she hated not knowing what was going on in her friends lives, not because she was nosey, but because usually they all knew that they could come vent to the young latina. that's how hope and amanda got so close, because she let amanda know that she wasn't going to leave her side, no matter how hard she tried to push her away. and now she had a best friend for life and she couldn't be happier with having such an amazing girl to call her best friend.

so when she heard the sob escape the blonde, she looked out from her comforter and over to her best friend with a frown. immediately, she pulled herself from her bed and sat down beside amanda, holding out her arms for a hug. she didn't say anything just yet, she just wanted to let amanda know that she was here for her. what could she say? 'everything will be okay, amanda, shh.' she didn't know that for sure. you could never reassure someone one hundred percent, because she couldn't predict the future. all she knew is that she needed to be there for her friend, and that's what she was trying to do.

word count: four hundred and sixty five
outfit: click!
tag: gabby with amanda
notes: this post sucks<3

[amanda katrina tumlin]

amanda had originally been a bitch to hope, but she was pretty much a bitch to everyone at first. it was the people who stayed there and didn't walk away that amanda bonded with. now if hope was any other person, she would hide and try to compose herself but hope had seen her in her worst. heck the first time they really bonded was because amanda was crying and then they became insepperable friends. people probably thought it was kind of weird. the sweet latina hanging with a complete bitch. but hope knew the amanda that she hid. the fun. joking, happy girl that just wanted to be free from the fears that held her into place.

right now she wanted to just be happy and when her best friend didn't ask what happened and just wrapped her arms around her. well amanda just cried more as she held on to the one person she had left. of course connor and izzy counted and summer, but she wouldn't cry in front of the last two and she would try not to let connor see her like this either. yeah he saw her drunk and sad once but that was it. adrian..no she didn't ant him! he hurt her too much and caused way too much pain for her to just get over it. but wrapped in hope's arms, she could feel a little of the pain evaporate from her body and she rubbed her eyes. "i hate him..hope i can't stand him," she whispered.

she needed to talk to her friend, to talk this out, figure it all out. everything was getting to be way to much for amanda. the sadness and pain were too much and talk would help. right? talking always helped her. when she talkedto hope, everything seemed to become a bit clearer. but she didn't know where to begin and she just pulled away from hope and looked up at her, "i don't know what to do anymore hope. i really don't," she said, wiping at her eyes. her fingers floated to the place her necklace sat. it was like her security blanket, and she was sad and so she wanted it but she couldn't. no. she couldn't rely on adrian anymore but feeling nothing but skin made another rounnd of hysterical tears to fall down her face. it took about five minutes before she could speak once again. "i hate him. i hate this i hate me. i hate everything."

tagged: krista with hope
word count: four hundred and eighteen
outfit: here
notes: i crrieddd D:

[victoria hope jean]

it was hard to hear amanda talk about adrian the way she does sometimes. when she says she hates him, or how much he's hurt her, because amanda is her best friend and she doesn't want her to feel that way. but also, adrian is like her brother and she just wants him to be happy. although, this time around, he does kind of deserve the hate from amanda for saying what he did to her. it was hard to be in the middle of their arguments, hearing both sides of the story, and then getting confused and not knowing what to do. of course, she should probably stay out of others business, but she was a nosey girl. besides, if they wanted to come to her and vent about their problems, then she wasn't going to stop them. it wasn't like she would ever repeat what they said, because she knew better.

hope didn't know what to do as amanda cried into her body. amanda was one of the strongest people she knew, so to see her break down like this was tough. but this is what best friends were for.. they would be there for you during your hardest times, and even though amanda and hope have had their differences, she would never leave her when she was going through a tough time. she proved that to amanda when they were fighting. she had found out that amanda had tried to kill herself and she rushed to where she was and stayed by her side that whole night.. she couldn't dream of leaving her friend like that, when she'd been down that road before. frowning a little, she shook her head and whispered back, "you don't mean that, amanda.. you're just angry."

as it went silent, she let her brown eyes look over amanda's broken form and she felt her frown deepen. how much could amanda handle? she knew that she had been through a lot.. of course, everyone at hawthorne had.. that's why she didn't want anyone to go through more pain and torment. as amanda pulled away from her, hope pushed some of her best friends blonde hair behind her ear and let out a sigh, "there's.. really nothing you can do right now," she said, quietly. she had never had much experience in relationships, and the ones that she has been in, it was fine until alex decided to end it in a fucked up way, "i think the best thing to do right now.. is focus on yourself. look at yourself, amanda.. you're broken. before anything is decided, you need to get things right with yourself, before you even think of adrian." it'd be easier to think if she wasn't so upset constantly, in her opinion. she would have her friends beside her to get her through it, and maybe hope could talk to adrian and see what was going on in his psychotic little mind, "you do not, stop saying that."

word count: five hundred and six
outfit: click!
tag: gabby with amanda
notes: this post sucks<3

[amanda katrina tumlin]

some of it might just be anger but right now she hated adrian miller's guts and she wanted to smack him and stab him and hurt him just like he did her. yet, at the exact same time, she still just wanted him to rush to her aid, just like he had always done before. it was just too much to handle right now. she couldn't stand him but she loved him and it kind of made her head spin with the words he said to her. 'slut..whore...alex...' so many words that caused a pain in her heart by just a thought alone. of course he hurt her really bad, she loved him and he practically emotionally abused her and she still wanted him back. she never thought she'd be this kind of girl, crying over some boy who hurt her. no she was stronger than that but right now she was broke. everything about her was broke right now and only she could build herself back to the girl she was before. the only question was, could she ever trust him not to hurt her again?

no the blonde meant every last word that came out of her mouth right now. maybe it was anger, maybe it wasn't anger. either way, right now she hated the miller boy's guts. she loved him and wanted his protection but he only hurt her. hurt her badly. yeah she kind of deserved it and maybe that was what hurt more but either way she couldn't handle it. "no i mean it hope. how do you forgive someone for calling you a slut? someone you love?" she never thought she'd be put through this and she never thought sh'ed be in love but here she was. heartbroken and pained. she wanted to move and push the button and see if he still loved her too. "how do i know if he loves me? do i just click the button or do i break the necklace and move on?" that was the question that was paining her right now, and she had no clue how to deal with it.

of course her best friend made sense right now. she really should take care of herself first. but what she wanted was to be taken care of by adrian. no..she didnt want that either. she took in deep breath, she had to listen to her best friend. that was what she had to do. she trusted hope with her life and she trusted her advice and opinions. plus if she wanted to be the strong girl she was before, she needed to work on herself and not sit here and mope over some guy. thats not what she would have done a year ago. she wiped her eyes, and looked down at the ground and just nodded.

pulling her legs up to her she smiled at her friend, "no i hate this all. i wish it was last year when i wasn't easily hurt and pained. before so much shit happened and i hated everyone's guts." the past would be her heaven. she missed being strong and bitchy and now she was broke and almost sweet but not? no, she was still just as bitchy but she cared now..she wished she didn't but she did. "i knew there was a reason i didn't want to care," she whispered, her hand over the place where her necklace once lay, tears still in her eyes.

tagged: krista with hope
word count: five hundred and eighty-three
outfit: here
notes: lalalllalalala