the dreams just make it worse[open]

[belle marie christianson]

it was late at night in the middle of winter and it was cold but belle marie christianson didn't really care anymore. she had been having dreams, very vivid scary dreams she didn't like. they were more like horrible nightmares and they kept her up at night. each night for the last five days she had woken up in fear. woken up in sweats and shaking and then she walked. the same routine to clear her mind. the nightmares were always similar. new things happened and they began to get longer and longer before she woke up in fear. she knew these people but she didn't know who they were. there was an older man and a face of a young blonde girl, not even five years old. she was touching her and slicing into her skin. in the same place that old scars laid. scars her father told her were from stitches when she fell off of a bike.

the little girl was raping her, she was being raped by a five year old and an old man who then kissed the young girl and it was like he was raping her too. right in front of belle but she couldn't look away and the girl was moaning like she liked and next hting she knew she was staring at a shower wall and it was mia's voice she heard adn that was when she had woken up in tears. she needed to walk! she couldn't bother her husband because it would only cause him to be sad. so she would sneak out of their apartment. she had kind of hiding over there because she didn't know what else to do. after mia or bun..she couldn't go back to her room and she wasn't ready to switch room yet..she just needed tanner but she just couldn't stay there and bother him or worry him.

especially because she thought she saw the girl at school. there was this beautiful blonde that always struck fear into her soul when she looked at her. her name was aria because she talked to belle but she was to busy being scared to say go away. finally when they split up, belle had a panic attack. she hadn't had any of those since she gave into nick and had sex...it always stopped the anxieties but this girl was scary. she didn't know what it was but it made her heart race and her body shake. she couldnt' deal with these nightmares anymore. her eyes had bags under them, her face seemed flush and paler then usual and she would fall asleep in class and she couldn't afford that. she needed to graduate.

the girl ended up at the beach because it was the farthest place she could walk and she held her jacket close because it was kind of cold here. shit bit at her lip as she looked across the ocean, her hair blowing across her face but she didn't bother moving it. she just stood there, tears falling down her eyes because now she wanted her tanner. she wanted to talk to him because she felt bad for not. he was her husband and she cared for him and wanted to let him know these things. but would he worry? watch after this aria girl if she mentioned it?

tagged: open!!
word count: five hundred and sixty
outfit: here
notes: come cheer up belle<3

[isabelle marie parker]

isabelle marie parker, was fifteen and immature and her teeth chattered at the cold air. she had been walking in crazy central...the day hadn't been too cold, but now it was kind of well really chilly, but her little mind was wrapped around a series of different things. the young female was kind of scared in a sense. why was the girl scared? it wasn't like connor was her first boyfriend, but in a sense it was going too good and possibly too fast. sure nico took her out for walks and stuff, but isabelle was growing and less shy. she kind of felt bad she couldn't break out of that shell with nico, but breaking free was kind of starting to challenge her mind. the fifteen year old grabbed cupcakes, or comfort food for her even though she was trying to watch her weight..why because she was more concious of body parts now that she was dating connor and out of her shell. cupcakes were not healthy...they tasted good though and they were mini so they made her happy.

in one hand she had a bag with cupcakes the other hand were her flip flops. her hair was blowing in the wind and she was kind of wading the water like a dork in cold air and it was cold water. she was watching her steps as she walked down. she looked up and in the distance she saw a small figure. she continued to walk down in the water the feeling of it was still chill, but it was like her toes and feet were too numb at the point to care. she missed warm weather and wading the water. when she got closer she noticed the figure. belle! how she missed her, because she really hadn't seen her sense she invited her and connor over for a lovely christmas.

had belle been in school? was she moved in with tanner? they made a really cute couple and so inspiring. she wanted that kind of and could see that happening with connor, maybe but at the same time it was scary, because she knew his history of liking to block things out. she didn't want to be one that was blocked out in the end she really didn't want to be that girl and that was really one of her fears. however, she shook the thoughts from her head stopping straight ahead and second glanced to see if she was right. and she was. she wondered why she was out here alone...where was tanner or one of her friends? izzy bit her lip her feet were going to be dirty...but she walked up anext to the blonde making sure she noticed her walking up she was in her sights because being scared in the midst of the night wasn't cool and izzy knew how it was because she had a sleeping disorder and stuff alex did to her put her in fear. "heyy" she said as she turned to look out to see the same sight belle saw.

looking up and out into the water she had waded she buried her now dirty feet a bit feeling weird about it. she smiled up at the older blonde and tucked some hair behind her ear. she didn't see the tears at first in the dark, but when she looked up the moonlight kind of giving her a better view. she had dropped her stuff lightly by her side and licked her lips looking at her friend. "belle whats wrong?" she asked sweetly and curious moving to pull belle marie christianson into a hug.

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words; six-oh-four here
muse; ok go! tonight we are young.
outfit; here
credits; zie @ CAUTION!
lyrics by fun.!

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[belle marie christianson]

belle always made the walk back to school because she needed to participate in class because she had to graduate this year and be done with it all. she needed to just be out of hawthorne, out of highschool and to just be with her husband and work on them and not worry about the things around them, hawthorne was full of so much pain yet so much happiness all at the same time. she had been hurt a lot but she met so many nice people and the love of her ife. she met hope, amanda, adrian, connor, izzy, wilow and alex. not the mean one who caused her pain with nick but willow's alex, he was nice and she liked him.

now a crying belle was a sight hardly seen because she was such an optimistic girl. even after the classroom she was happy as can be. she just smiled and would just worry about her friends but she knew things would get better. things could always be worst buut now? what could be worse then being raped? what could be worse than being lied to by your father? she had to talk to her parents, they knew the truth. the could tell her what happened with the scars. were they really from a bike accident or from a little blonde girl. everything was too much for her and she didn't know how to handle it all. everything was just a bit too much for the christianson girl and she had mixed feelings about knowing the truth. would it really be good for her? to know if she was really raped all those years ago? or would it be better to think of it as a horrid nightmare?

she sighed and kind of just wished it was all a dream and that she would wake up in tanner's arms. he would kiss her and tell her what a beautiful girl she was and that she should skip school. thinking about him like that only made her mind swirl with more anxiety and she wrapped her arms around her and bit her lip, "stop it belle." she heard a voice and kind of froze, it was familiar but her mind was so preoccupied, she couldn't figure out whose voice it was. not until a familiar girl walked up to her, one she knew thanks to connor, hope and amanda. her best friends girlfriend. relief washed over her as she stood there looking out. "hi izzy," she said softly.

she didn't see the hug coming but it was most definitely what she needed. she wrapped ;her arms around the younger girl and let the tears fall because she couldn't make them stop. she felt oddly safe in isabelle's arms and she didn't want to leave them because she didn't want this safe feeling to go away. but finally she pulled away and wiped at her face. "everything izzy. everythings so wrong," she sobbed. "i keep having these..these dreams and i don't know..what to do. or if they are memories or dreams or what." she rubbed her arms, not believing she was telling izzy all of this.

tagged: open!!
word count: five hundred and twenty-eight
outfit: here
notes: come cheer up belle<3

[isabelle marie parker]

isabelle marie parker, well she had about three more years of hell to kind of survive. hope was going to be there still, but connor would be gone and some of her other great friends that she made and a lot of that was on her mind was well. who was going to cuddle her when something bad went wrong? who’s shirts was she going to cut up. amanda would be gone too. her and amanda got so close too. sure, hope was her best friend, but amanda and her talked a lot more recently anyways….then belle she was still going to be around somewhat, because they had an apartment and she got invited to that nice christmas party. isabelle really liked belle a lot a lot…she was a nice person who she hadn’t spent an excessive amount of time with, but she liked really nice people. they made her happy!

though izzy would never want to hold her friends back she wasn’t that kind of person! it just made her nervous about the future here at hawthorne. would more crazies come in as more crazies went out? she sure didn’t hope for that at all. even though they were all crazy in some manner or another. she didn’t know it though, but more crazy people like aria beecher, brooklyn jameson, and others were coming to this school too and well they were somewhat dangerous even if they were kind of raised into it. izzy just hoped people would just get the help they needed and try and get better instead of causing trouble all the damn time, because there was a point where you, sadly just got tired of hearing about people being in hospital beds...that was probably a sick thought, because it wasn’t the victims fault, but you’d think some of these people would actually get heavier isolation time or juvi or even jail! it was kind of stupid to her sometimes as a fifteen year old she could see it, but the school couldn’t.

right now she felt kind of safe though knowing some people were around that cared like jasper christoph and tanner christianson...they at least tried, but beyond that the school was incredibly fucked up when it came to their violence crack downs and blah blah it was annoying. though right now the a million thoughts about connor and the school came to an end really when she saw the girl in her sorrow frozen in more ways than one according to her eyes. ”hey belle” she said again kind of soft as well also feeling kind of sad...it was like a contagious feeling really, because when someone was sad you couldn’t help but get sad yourself. she wondered why she was so sad looking and where tanner was. did they get in a fight? she sure hoped not, because they were so cute together and she hoped for one day what they had. belle was too sweet to fight with though..


the embrace was because well izzy was sometimes good at being a comfort as well. she smiled a little when she held/hugged her back and she could hear her crying more so she gently rubbed her back some too..it was just like mama used to do when she was back home and sad about something. though back home it wasn’t everything it was more like people making fun of her for sleep walking and because she got in a fight and hated fighting. everything though? that made iz frown. ”dreams?” she asked being able to related to that somewhat because she had a sleeping disorder and she had bad dreams and thrashed around sometimes or got up and acted out the dreams well once it was really bloody and gross and she hated talking about it. ”well wh-what kind?” she asked figuring if they were vivid enough they were pry a memory. iz was smart, but she didn’t always let it on too too much she liked being the innocent little teen for the most part that didn’t like the worries of the world and wanted to stay young.

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words; six eighty six
muse; ok go! tonight we are young.
outfit; here
credits; zie @ CAUTION!
lyrics by fun.!

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[belle marie christianson]

the blonde kind of froze but she needed to tell someone, so then she can tell tanner. she was just afraid tanner would worry too much about her and not help the other people but she knew her husband better than that. even if they got married to save her from mean nick and because they loved each other and they were happy. until now. after mia..everything changed. belle was so scared but she still loved tanner. that would never change but she was just so worried about causing him pain and she didn't really want to talk about it but she already brought it up and she took a deep breath.

"i..there vivid..first its. um..mia..and then..this um..blonde five year old..and this man and they..they do stuff and," she closed her eyes not wanting to think of it and shook her head. what if they were memories? the scars on her really weren't from some horrible accident but from these two people. the scars weren't really noticeable but she lifted her shirt a little and turned her phone light towards her skin as three long marks shown across her skin. "my dad..he said they were from an accident and and..these people were cutting me their..and everywhere." she had similar scars on her legs and arms and further up on her breasts but she never really thought about it. she believed her father and the barbed wire fence bicycle accident. why did he have reasons to lie to her?

it was haunting her and she didn't know how to handle all of this and she just wanted to be held by tanner. she so wished that she didn't leave his apartment and he could curl up into his side and be held. to be kissed and loved back to sleep. instead of standing on a beach, cold, practically alone with only izzy to stand beside her and help. but what were they to do if some creeper came and wanted to hurt them? they couldn't defend themselves...they were both small girls in body size and belle was kind of tallish but yeah she was kind of strong but she would never hurt anyone. or so she thought. would she hurt someone who was attacking her? she hadn't yet..so why would she now?

but izzy wasn't dumb..right? well belle wasn't sure but maybe she was really smart and could help her because all of this is confusing her. "i haven't..told tanner..cause he'll worry," she said biting her lips and feeling the tears fall once again and she looked across the water. "i wish things were different," she whispered. she wished that nick never took her and she wouldn't be in this school. but then again she met so many people here that she would have never meet anywhere else. like tanner, hope, adrian, amanda, willow, connor, kai, izzy and alex. the nice one..not the mean cruel one. she knew and loved so many people here that she couldn't ever think of leaving it all behind or never having encountered it.

no, things happened for reasons. god always had a plan and that meant that this was her plan. to be with tanner, have these dreams...relive this horror. so then something good could come out of it for once. maybe she could reconnect with her family? then again..did she really want to? her mom said she took care of nick and apologized but she had hurt her so much before. called her a dirty whore. the memory of the night he was sent to hawthorne haunted poor belle for the longest. now new, scarier things haunted her dreams and she wanted one of the two people who loved her. tanner or zach. her husband and brother. two people who she knew would be there with her, no matter what happened. whore or not. scared or not. sick or healthy. /justify]

tagged: open!!
word count: six hundred and sixty-six
outfit: here
notes: belle's mom says my post is possessed by the devil xD

[isabelle marie parker]

isabelle was kind of scared for a moment as she watched belle, because she seemed frozen, sad, scared, and so much more. all the qualities that really could be used to bring another person to their peak of sadness, but izzy was being a friend right now and she was concerned and she tried not to show the hurt on her face that was kind of somewhat contagious? she wondered what it was that belle was dreaming about...who caused her pain and why they would cause someone as sweet as her pain? sure, the brunette had been through enough of it, but sometimes izzy egged it on kind of like hope arguing with the wrong people, even if it didn’t make it anymore correct.

the younger girl just listened to belle and her dreams. it was mia? who was mia? she tried to to place the face, but she was failing miserably, and a five year old little girl doing bad things? or a man doing bad things? surely they had to be bad in order for her to be this distraught. the moonlight shined on belle and her lifting her shirt to show isabelle the scars across her what seemed to be flawless skin and it stung izzy and also brought up a sense of pain and anger in her that she had to subside. why would anyone hurt belle? she was putting pieces slowly together as she looked over the scars in her head and trying to oddly picture the scene..she reached out and took belle’s hand. her voice came out in somewhat of a whisper. ”you’re a really sweet and remarkable person belle so for you to have these dreams...i’m not a genius, but maybe...maybe you need to ask your parents?” yeah, it sounded right even if there was pain behind it she deserved truth. izzy asked her parents stuff she couldn’t remember when she walked in her sleep. sadly, belle needed this confirmed to be able to cope and move on...even if it was disgusting and was going to be hard.

surely, the night in haven was scary when you knew where the two girls went to school and what possibilities may be laying out here in the open, but then again it was in the open and surely someone had to be watching? as creepy as that sounded the younger girl felt oddly safe in a weird sense, because who was going to leave a bloody trail out here in the open? no, she couldn’t think that way she was no tanner, but she was here for her friend and thinking over troubled possibilities and if it turned up in her face the two of them would be scared out of their wits.

for a fifteen year old she was rather smart. the girl turned her head when she said she hadn’t told tanner...she kept things from connor, but their relationship was different. it was sad, but the boy was kind of in sense holding back giving izzy the thought that they wouldn’t possibly last to be a belle and a tanner something she found to be inspirational. she had no idea he was holding back because he didn’t want his heart to break or hers to break...something like that. ”i don’t really know tanner all that well, but he’s pry right to worry a little, but he’d also want to help you surely...” maybe her words were somewhat hypercritical, but they were honest. ”i know it hurts to talk about the bad things, but you’re doing a good job coming out about it with me and once you know the truth and your soul mate knows the truth as well maybe you can heal...i’m not saying those things aren’t totally creepy, but there is that whole coping process that i don’t wish upon anyone, because you don’t deserve this...no one deserves the pain and hurt...” she said hoping she was making sense.

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words; six-fifty-eight
muse; ok go! tonight we are young.
outfit; here
credits; zie @ CAUTION!
lyrics by fun.!

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[belle marie christianson]

the christianson girl really did try to befriends with everyone because she didn't like the disappointed looks on other's faces. no, she tried to be nice as could be to all of those around her but its so hard when you don't know who's good and who isn't. her roommate bun..she was nice but now she wasn't sure who she was anymore. this mia lady scared her...but was mia her own person or was she a part of bun like jay and willow? she would have to ask tanner because he had to know right? but was he allowed to talk to her about it...she just wanted to feel safe in her own dorm again because that alone scared her but she had to go back because she didn't need isolation. no, the girl would break being alone like that for the nightmares to take over and no one to be around to make them go away. to hold her why she cried and reassure her that she was only dreaming. yeah iso and belle would not be a good idea.

belle smiled at her friend because she was being sweet and helpful and belle really appreciated it because this was something she needed. a good friend. "i know i do." however, she didn't want to talk to her mom or dad because if they found out she was more screwed up then they might make her go to an even worse nut house? like where they lock you away ad put straight jackets on you. she shivered at the thought and she bit her lip. why would her daddy lie? of course to protect his little girl but now she was being bombarded with the dreams and she needed answers and because her daddy had always been more understanding, she'd have to call him after school because it was too late.

if belle wasn't just so scared in general, she'd be scared right now but what worse could happen? the bad things were in that school, behind those walls. anything else would be blissful heaven compared to the nightmares and the thing with mia. it was hard to bounce back from this and she had gotten hurt before but this was new. different...and worse. way worse. so right now she felt oddly safe, even though she really should be scared out of her mind.

she really did try to tell tanner everything, he knew about nick before he came back. though she did kind of lie at first but told him the truth when nick did come back and well everything became horrible after that until the end. no..the end was a happy one. or so it had seemed before now. she didn't want to tell anyone about the blonde girl in her dreams and the one at the school. she just didn't need him worrying more about her and so he would end up doing his job badly or something. or just protecting her and not others. that was kind of how she felt. "but he might..worry too much and then...not worry about everyone else." though now that she told izzy, she knew she couldn't keep it from her husband any longer. she smiled at the sweet younger girl who was trying to cheer her up and it was working for the most part because she made sense. she would tell him about the dreams, call her daddy in the afternoon and he can explain to both her and tanner so they can both know what happened. "thank you izzy..you really helped," she said softly before hugging the girl again and kissing her cheek. "connors really lucky," she said meaning those words with all her heart.

tagged: izzyyy and jannett
word count: six hundred and twenty-six
outfit: here
notes: <3

[isabelle marie parker]

the young parker girl too tried to befriend everyone but marcus and alex they werent lovable to her and it was painful how mean their souls really were. the girl really hated alex the most though not only what he did to her but her best friend and her boyfriend. connor deserved the best and belle was such a better friend for him! though alex was his friend for all those years and tricked him and at first she really couldnt stand connor! now everything was better and belle was in her life now too and she was sweet and it was great.

"if you need someone and tanner is working and connors a sleepy head then i can be there for support belle" she said just in case talking to her parents was scary for her to do alone. she didnt know how she was going to go about it either. was she going to ask her parents to come down? was she going to call them? video chat? the young girl could be there to hold her hand but sure enough that was tanner's. place, but surely if she needed her she wanted her to know that she had another friend in her. the girl lightly rubbed her back when she shivered. "you've got a lot of love on your side belle to helo you pull through the nightmares or....if its truth" she said trying to soothe her.

the waves and the sand...and the cold was somewhat soothing from the atmosphere the girls had to face back at school, but either of their guys would be there for them in a heart beat. tanner would sneak in and stay with belle and well izzy would go and lightly knock upon connors door only to be let in and crawl into a nice warm sleep if she wanted. that thought alone brought her comfort. though belles words of the scary like female would only pry cause nightmares right now she was in the comfort of a wonderful person.

isabelle knew what it was like to not want to have people worrying about you. she was fifteen and her parents treated her like she needed egg shells around and well hope and amanda saw her cry enough and some things she just didnt want to bother them with. she felt like they would treat her like a little girl and though she was younger than thme it want by much. "but youre married to him and he promised to have you in sickness and in health and to me that means he will be by your side if you are sick and im not trying to say that you're sick im trying to say sure he will worry but he wil worry more if he finds out and you dont tell him because he's there for you...you two are a unit now and might i add a beautiful family and family is the best gift.." she said hoping her logic made sense to the blonde girl when she said connor was lucky she bit her lip. then a smile formed she was such a sweet person! "thanks belle...i really like him so that means a lot coming from his best friend"

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words; 1,000,000,000,000,000:p
muse; ok go! tonight we are young.
outfit; here
credits; zie @ CAUTION!
lyrics by fun.!

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